Mental load is the work of remembering, planning and organising everyday responsibilities. If you are managing appointments, meals, care needs and household jobs, there may be little time or attention left for sexual contact.
Stress and tiredness can affect desire, but they are not the only possible causes of a change. Pain, health, medication and relationship difficulties may matter too. The aim is to understand your situation rather than diagnose every dip in libido as mental load.
Name the actual responsibilities
If tasks feel unevenly shared, discuss who notices what needs doing as well as who completes it. Making a shopping list and remembering that supplies are running out are work too.
You could say: 'I'm organising the appointments as well as taking everyone to them. I need us to share the planning.' Agree who takes responsibility for a task from beginning to end, then check whether the arrangement is working.
Sharing work fairly is worthwhile in its own right. It should not be offered or expected in exchange for sex.
Talk about time and contact
Ask what kind of time together you each want. You might welcome affection, a date, time alone or sexual touch. A quiet evening does not have to become an appointment for sex.
If affectionate touch is appealing, say where you want it to stop. Clear expectations can help you enjoy the contact you agreed to, without worrying about pressure to continue.
Keep other explanations in view
If reduced desire persists or worries you, consider whether sleep, mood, medication or physical symptoms have changed. Speak to a GP about concerns, especially when pain or a new medication is involved.
Our hormones and libido article explains other questions worth asking. A toy may be enjoyable if you want one, but it cannot redistribute household work or treat an underlying health problem.
