Bring up toys at a time when you can both talk comfortably. Describe what interests you and ask your partner what they think. A specific idea is easier to discuss than a broad suggestion to change your sex life.
Start with an invitation
You might say: 'I like using my vibrator, and I'd enjoy trying it together. Would that interest you?' Or: 'I'm curious about a toy we could use for external touch. Can we look at some options?'
Your partner may be keen, uncertain or uninterested. Ask what they want to know and give them time to think. Do not assume hesitation means jealousy or a belief that they are inadequate.
Agree on the actual activity
Looking at toys together is not agreement to use one. Before trying it, discuss who will hold it, where it can touch and how either person can stop. You can begin with a toy one of you already knows, if you both want that.
Women and queer couples can have different preferences even when they use similar toys. Ask about the individual person's body and comfort rather than guessing from gender.
Try one change at a time
Read the instructions, clean the toy and check lubricant compatibility. Begin on a low setting and let the person receiving the touch guide pressure and placement. Pause to change the angle or controls instead of trying to adjust everything while moving.
If you share an insertable toy, clean between partners and use a fresh compatible barrier where appropriate. Never move directly from anal to vaginal use.
Talk afterwards
Ask what each of you enjoyed and whether anything felt awkward. You might use it again, try a different approach or leave it out. A toy is an optional part of sex together, and either person can change their mind.
For choosing a first option, read our beginner toy guide.
