Can Porn Be Ethical?

How to navigate around male focussed, narcissistic porn and find your comfortable space to explore, learn and get your motor running.

We’ve all been there haven’t we gal pals?

It’s the pre-2010’s, and we are peaking in our awkward horny teen phase.

Having graduated from Twilight, 50 Shades of Grey and many other literary sexual genius we could get our hands on, we are in need of little more visual stimulation to get our motors running. Stimulation that no longer involves words on a page, dipping into our imaginations, or the music video to ‘All the Things She Said.’ Oh no no, in the modern era of the world wide web we now have access to real life video porn.

Unfortunately, the action of reaching out for and consuming such content has led to stigma, negative narratives and another world that isn’t a welcoming place for women to safely explore their sexual endeavours with respect. Shock.

So here we are…years later. Many of us associating the ‘ick’ factor with those who indulge in porn, or perhaps even thinking less of ourselves for still clicking onto porn hub 15 years on. But why? Let’s unpack it together.

We are so over male-focused, narcissistic porn

We find ourselves wondering ‘can porn be ethical?’ The adult entertainment industry has long been dominated by degrading and unrealistic portrayals of women. Degrading and taboo fetishes, such as male violence and ‘rxpe fantasies,’ receive a shocking amount of airtime, overshadowing the quest
for porn that caters to women and embraces the female gaze, which remains significantly more elusive. You know the intensity of the search we feel when trying to agree on a movie or series to watch on Netflix?

WELL, when it comes to finding female-focussed or ethical porn on the largest platforms, the search can involve sifting through hundreds of clips, thumbnails and titles degrading to women. Making it feel like an unsafe and gross place to try and explore new sexual viewing. This can majorly ruin the mood before you even get started!

So what can you do? We can’t override the bigger platforms overnight but we can absolutely support new platforms with ethics and empowering porn at their heart. You just have to look a little further. Here’s some of our favourites:

• FrolicMe (Ethically made erotic films)
• Bloom Stories (Erotic audio platform that prides itself on being inclusive and consent-led,
  as well as “catering to a wide-range of audiences and sexualities.”)
• PinkLabel (Porn with diversity with LGBTQ+ stars as well as people with
  disabilities and from different backgrounds, it puts inclusivity at its heart.)

We need to change our mindset around porn

For years, societal norms have dictated that porn is primarily for men, leaving women feeling embarrassed, shamed, and neglected in the realm of adult content consumption. So how does one unlearn this shame and get to watching their favourite porn stars guilt free while flicking the bean?

The simple first step is, by contesting this f***ed up stereotype that porn isn’t meant for us. We’re half of the bloody population, we have needs, desires and values and we deserve to sexually explore for ourselves, as, how, where and whenever we so please. Virtually included.

A great way of breaking free from the ‘ick’ associated with porn also involves having open and honest discussions with trusted friends. By creating safe spaces to talk about our experiences, curiosities, and concerns, we remove the shame often attached to adult content.

What’s more, we can spread the word about these innovative and growing platforms that are designed with women and sexual respect in mind.

Why not treat yourself to a new vibrator or suction toy for your viewing pleasure?